You ever have so much to say, you just stay silent? Those moments when you want to spill all those secrets that hide deep behind locked doors. Those secrets that you shoved so deep in your brain ,you, yourself, even forgot them for a while. Suppressed is probably the more appropriate word.. But none the less.. nothing will be the same ever again once they’re out. So you just sit in silence. Staring off into the distant. Well I’m gonna start to open those doors today.
Even during my early childhood I always was big on secrets. Everybody’s go to person when they just needed an ear to listen, knowing that lips would never part and spill forth their words.
But who was there for me? To ask me “What’s wrong?”. To just listen with a kind heart. When I had secrets to tell. Secrets crawling and hurting to be told.
Noone was there.
Not in the way I needed them to be at least.
Although, physically there was always someone there. I had a big “family”, and someone was always “there”. A baby crying, little kids whining, big sister’s fighting, cousins coming and going…
And then there’s me. Just a little girl in this big crazy world around me.
How can such a small child be so alone in an environment full of dozens of people? Or maybe the question is why? Why would a little girl surrounded by people feel so alone?